Dec
19
Mind if I tutear?
Tú or usted? Whether to use tú or usted with people you meet can, at times, seem confusing. There’s a verb in Spanish to describe this action — Tutear: To address as tú. Whenever I speak to a Spanish speaker for the first time, I always get a little anxious about tuteando them.
The first time I met Lydia, my landlady, I wasn’t sure how to address her because she is a stately, “mature” lady who looks like she is accustomed to people calling her Doña Lydia. Within seconds of meeting, I blurted out, “¿La puedo tutear?” Her face broke out into a wide grin, as though I had just paid her the biggest compliment. She responded with a laugh and said she’d love that because it would make her feel younger.
The general rule of thumb with usted is that it is used in formal situations or with people who are older than you. But it depends on the country. For example, I’ve heard a young Colombian woman address her teenage brother using the verb forms of usted. Same thing in Spanish-language talk shows or telenovelas.
In Spain, it seems, that usted is really reserved for special occasions and situations. On the street, on the job, on the television, usted is a pronoun reserved for authority figures, senior citizens and business situations. For example, at the bank or at a clothing store, the employee will address you with the verb form of usted. But in social situations, usted seems to fall by the wayside, even if you’re dealing with people who are merely acquaintances or people who are older than you. Using tú is a way to shorten the social distance between two speakers and seem more friendly.
This topic segues nicely into today’s Spanish-language blog entry. It’s another installment from Analia Rossi about el voseo in Argentina and how the pronoun usted is losing ground to vos in her country.
Interesting post. As you progress with learning Spanish, you also pick up the cultural information you need to know when to use usted and when to use tu. It’s not always crystal clear, but then neither is it for native speakers. I’ve talked in depth about this with native Spanish speakers, and often they have tactics for avoiding the use of either tu or usted for the first few minutes of conversation, so they can make a decision as to which form to use.
David,
Thanks your comment. Yes, you’re right. My rule of thumb…when in doubt, always better to be more formal than too informal. When you start from a level of formality, it’s easier to relax once the expectations are clear. But it’s harder to recover from a gaffe or an unintended slight if you start off too informally. The hard thing for me now is that I find it very difficult to address people with “usted”, for example in restaurants or at the airport. It just seems so stuffy to me, because of my indoctrination in Spain. But in the U.S. and Latin America, “usted” is the normal way of speaking in everyday contexts with random strangers.
In Colombia always use usted; they use it even with members of their own family, at least, with the 5 I have working with me. There is an Ecuadorian that finds it all really annoying there -why don’t you tutear? -we’re just used to usted is the reply.
Of course I have no way of knowing if they are 5 weird Colombians or not
Tad,
No, you’re right. Usted is used with family in Colombia and I’ve also heard that in Chile mothers use the usted form with their young children as well. (Any Chilenos out there reading this blog who can weigh in, please?) I was thrown by that when I saw the excellent Colombian movie “Maria, Full of Grace.” There’s a scene where Maria is talking (arguing) with her younger brother AND her mother in the kitchen and everyone is using the usted form of the verbs. It was so hard for me to follow the conversation in that scene because they were talking rapidly and using the third-person singular. Who was Maria talking to and talking about? Her mother, her brother? Somebody not in the room at the time?
¿Porque no escribes este blog en español si quieres respuestas desde hispanohablantes natales?
Will, te dejo el enlace de la versión española de este post. No es el mismo artículo pero se trata del mismo asunto.
http://spanish-podcast.com/es/2007/12/19/voseo/
Si te gustaría escribir una entrada para este blog en español de cualquier tema, me encantaría publicarla. Mandame un mensaje privado aquí si te apetece. Saludos.